Let’s face it: the movies of 2024 by and large sucked.  The reasons for that are myriad, and, in a result-oriented business, ultimately pointless.  The bottom line is this: if Hollywood wants to remain competitive the quality of its output needs to improve (not an unreasonable request given all the $100 million-plus movie budgets).

Not that the bad movie malaise was confined to Hollywood, as self-funded passion projects like Kevin Costner’s HORIZON and J-Lo’s THIS IS ME…NOW also stunk up movie theaters and streaming services, as did indies like THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF MAGICAL NEGROES and MAXXXINE.  Sorry to be judgmental, but I say the industry can do better.

What follows is the latest edition of my Year in Bedlam ranking of the previous year’s film releases, both the good (yes, there were some good films to be found in 2024) and bad, as well as the year’s worthwhile home video releases and some brief takes on upcoming releases that sound promising.  The listing is limited, as always, to films released in the US either theatrically or via streaming services.  2024 films I missed include THE BOOK OF CLARENCE, RED ONE, WICKED and NOSFERATU, but overall, I feel this is a fairy thorough overview, starting with…

 

The Best:

 

1. THE COFFEE TABLE (La mesita del comedor)

A film that plays quite rough yet tempers its unpleasantness with a strain of pitch-black comedy. Occurring over the course of one very shitty day, THE COFFEE TABLE begins with Jesús (David Pareja) and Maria (Estefanía de los Santos), a bickering couple with a newborn infant, buying a coffee table. Back at their big city apartment things get even worse for this none-too-happy pair, with Maria deciding to leave and buy wine for an afternoon get-together, leaving Jesús alone with the baby and that damned coffee table.  What follows demonstrates great ingenuity in its orchestration of a horrific, and horrifically funny, series of events that force Jesús and Maria to own up to their true feelings for each other (it turns out these two aren’t as incompatible as they initially seem), their relatives and their offspring.  Suspense is constructed in a manner that’s both blunt and refined, with a cumulative impact equal to that of an especially nasty slasher pic.

 

2. RED ROOMS (Les chambres rouges)

All the bad things we’ve heard about the dark web are confirmed in this Quebecois thriller.  It stars Juliette Gariépy as Kelly-Anne, a crime groupie living on an upper floor of a luxurious Montreal high rise.  Her main hobby is observing the nearby trial of Ludovic Chevalier (Maxwell McCabe-Lokos), a man accused of filming himself killing three teenage girls and streaming the footage on the dark web.  Kelly-Anne, who spends a lot of time on the DW, has an obsessive streak that borders on psychotic, with the true nature of her interest in Chevalier left unrevealed until the end.  A sense of documentary-like naturalism of a type that tends to distinguish all the finest Canadian films pervades RED ROOMS, which also generates a great deal of suspense.  The performances are impeccable, particularly that of Juliette Gariépy as Anne, a notably complex portrayal whose mysterious air generates much of the tension.

 

3. JOKER: FOLIE À DEUX

A shocker: the most subversive film of 2024 was an expensive big studio release, and, moreover, a sequel.  Director Todd Phillips, a returnee from the 2019 BATMAN pastiche JOKER, indulged himself to the fullest, turning out a stylistically expansive, audience-unfriendly musical that could have been made by the Joker himself.  Joaquin Phoenix returns to play the title character, confined to a very gothic mental hospital where the majority of this stark and claustrophobic film takes place.  Lady Gaga plays a Harley Quinn stand-in who inspires several fantasy music numbers, consisting of archaic songs utilized (Dennis Potter-like) to express the characters’ unsettled mental states.  The pacing is lugubrious and the violence (sparse though it is) brutal and unsparing, but I say one has to admire a film as uncompromising as this one.  Had Warner Bros. dubbed it into a foreign language and released it to the arthouse circuit I suspect that Phillips’ subversive intentions would have been appreciated, and in the coming years JOKER: FOLIE À DEUX will almost certainly undergo a reassessment.

 

4. IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE

A heavily stylized twentysomething dramedy with a sci fi twist, not unlike ST. ELMO’S FIRE meets BEING JOHN MALKOVICH.  The setting is a house where seven friends are having a party; they’re soon joined by an eighth, a nerd with a machine that allows for body switching.  This results in a game in which the participants swap bodies and then try and guess who’s who, marred by the fact that the viewer never really gets to know any of these people or their dilemmas.  This means that more than one viewing is essential to fully enjoy the outrageous antics that take up much of the remainder of the film, but the mere fact that IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE holds up to multiple viewings places it ahead of 95 percent of 2014’s other releases.

 

5. MUSIC BY JOHN WILLIAMS

An unabashedly fawning documentary portrait of composer extraordinaire John Williams.  Featured are uniformly glowing testimonials by filmmakers (such as Steven Spielberg, George Lucas, Lawrence Kasdan and, for some reason, Seth McFarland) and musicians (such as Wynton Marsalis, Alan Silvestri, Itzhak Perlman and, for some reason, Chris Martin).  No-one has anything bad to say, and in all fairness the adulation is largely justified.  John Williams’ musical talents are undeniable, as evidenced by the many iconic film scores he’s turned out over a fifty-plus year career, and this eminently watchable–and listenable, with music provided entirely by Williams himself—film provides an enjoyable tribute.

 

6. EXHUMA (Pamyo)

A South Korean import that accomplishes something I’ve long believed was impossible by fashioning a rich and complex horror epic from a very simple premise.  About the exhumation of a grave that causes the unquiet spirit of its owner to haunt his surviving family members, EXHUMA is comparable to a novel of the type written by upscale horror scribes like Peter Straub and Ramsey Campbell, meaning it offers a literate and intelligent treatment with multiple characters (at least two of whom give their thoughts in voice-over).  Such an expansive approach might seem ill-advised, but it works, and so much so that I’m willing to grant the film’s single greatest hinderance—the inflated 134-minute runtime—a pass.

 

7. ALIEN ON STAGE

It’s taken four years, but this terrifically enjoyable   documentary has finally attained a general release.  About a dramatic adaptation of ALIEN (1979) put on by a consortium of UK bus drivers, the pic suffers a bit from the fact that filming didn’t commence until after the show had its premiere, meaning the opening scenes, taken up with after-the-fact recollections by the participants, aren’t entirely satisfying.  Yet the later portions, detailing the production’s evolution and unexpectedly well received London bow, more than make up for that lull.  The filmmakers Lucy Harvey and Danielle Kummer accomplish the rare feat of acknowledging the silliness of this production without ever mocking or belittling its creators.  Harvey and Kummer also deserve credit for their depiction of the London performance of ALIEN ON STAGE, in which the reactions of the delighted audience are given as much weight as what they’re viewing.

 

8. LONGLEGS

This 2024 release has gone through the modern horror movie cycle: it was absurdly overhyped prior to its release (“scariest movie of all time” was a common claim) and benefitted from word-of-mouth acclaim during its summer ‘24 theatrical bow, only to have seemingly everyone decide it sucked in the year’s closing days.  Myself, I find LONGLEGS an impressively stylized serial killer drama that favorably recalls classics of the form like THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1990) and SEVEN (1995).  Maika Monroe plays a troubled FBI agent tracking the doings of a murderer who calls himself Longlegs, with whom she and her mother (Alicia Witt) turn out to have a most troubling connection.  Writer-director Osgood Perkins offers up an authentically disquieting viewing experience that contains a subtle nod to his genre icon father’s most famous role (motherly psychosis is a major theme), and coaxes a must-be-seen-to-be-disbelieved performance from an unrecognizable Nicolas Cage.

 

9. YOUNG WOMAN AND THE SEA

One of Disney’s more memorable recent features, and, conversely, one of its biggest failures.  The Jerry Bruckheimer produced YOUNG WOMAN AND THE SEA’s July release apparently brought in so little money Disney didn’t bother reporting the sum, and immediately dumped the film onto Disney Plus with little-to-no fanfare.  It is, however, an excellent example of old school get-up-and-cheer filmmaking that dramatizes the record breaking 1926 English Channel swim by Gertrude Ederle.  Daisy Ridley is quite captivating as Ederle, and complimented by a slickly constructed, handsomely mounted production.  The intrusive score by Amelia Warner could have stood to be dialed down, and the film doesn’t stand up to last year’s NYAD (which told more-or-less the same story), but for what it offers it works.

 

10. SATURDAY NIGHT

I’ll give a nod to this Jason Reitman helmed depiction of the behind-the-scenes shenanigans that took place leading up to the October 11, 1975 premiere showing of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, even though Reitman departs mightily from the historical record.  That wouldn’t be such a terrible thing if not for the fact that so much bullcrap has been spouted about SNL lately.  Included in that category is the claim that what SNL head Lorn Michaels did with the show was entirely innovative and without precedent, when in fact SECOND CITY and NATIONAL LAMPOON magazine (from which Michaels filched much of SNL’s initial cast and writing staff) had been doing it long before 1975, and the even more outlandish claim (which Reitman thankfully doesn’t parrot) that it was the “first live broadcast.”  Ultimately, however, SATURDAY NIGHT is great fun, providing an absorbing depiction of the obstruction, indifference and sheer chaos that faced the harried Michaels (Gabriel LaBelle) and his cohorts at every turn.

 

11. MEGALOPOLIS

Objectively speaking this is a terrible film, yet as MEGALOPOLIS advanced I found myself increasingly enjoying what I saw.  It’s Francis Ford Coppola’s long-in-the-works passion project, in which a flawed but promising script was subjected to every conceivable directorial indulgence and acting that’s quite heavy on the histrionics.  About a future Manhattan, or “New Rome,” whose culture is patterned after that of Old Rome (complete with narration to explain the parallels), it’s ostensibly about an architect (Adam Driver) looking to utilize a science fictional substance to create a utopian city within the city, opposed by New Rome’s corrupt mayor (Giancarlo Esposito).  The narrative is a blur, and Driver’s abilities to create nifty objects and stop time never seemed too impressive (given that they occur in a world in which statues routinely come to life and giant hands emerge from clouds to snatch away the moon), but any movie this exuberantly expansive simply can’t be all bad.

 

12. THE RED VIRGIN (La virgen roja)

A biopic about Hildegart Rodríguez (Alba Planas), a young woman who in early twentieth century Spain was raised to become a genius and feminist icon by her domineering mother (Najwa Nimri), who when things become too complicated ended her offspring’s life.  This account was previously fictionalized in a similarly titled 1986 novel by Fernando Arrabal that offered a highly surreal and alchemical treatment, whereas this Paula Ortiz directed film takes a more straightforward approach.  I prefer Arrabal’s interpretation, but in Ortiz’s hands the material works just fine.  It’s a thorny tale that raises many troubling questions about misogyny, femininity and matriarchy, all of which Ortiz, to her credit, unashamedly faces down.

 

13. DUNE PART II

The skill and ambition powering this, the concluding portion of Denis Villeneuve’s two-part adaptation of Frank Herbert’s DUNE, are undeniable, and account for my affection.  Still, I couldn’t help but flash back to David Lynch’s 1984 take on Herbert’s imaginings, which conceptually speaking was superior in many respects (the Carlo Rambaldi created sandworms, for starters, were much cooler than those of the present DUNE).  Also, Zendaya’s portrayal of Chani, the love interest of the Timothée Chalamet played protagonist Paul Atreides, is more than a little problematic.  Chani’s perpetually dour demeanor was apparently intended by Villeneuve as a critique of the novel’s militaristic arc, but the character comes off as a one-note sourpuss, so much so that I found the climactic suggestion of Paul’s intent to run off with the Florence Pugh essayed Princess Irulan a welcome development.

 

14. DARIO ARGENTO: PANICO

A 2023 documentary that handily supplants DARIO ARGENTO’S WORLD OF HORROR (1985) as the premiere Argento profile. PANICO consists of an extended hotel room interview with the eightyish Argento, interspaced with the expected clips and behind-the-scenes footage from his films, interviews with admirers like Gaspar Noe, Guillermo Del Toro and Nicolas Winding Refn, and insider perspectives from Argento’s daughters Fiore and Asia.  There’s not much here you can’t learn from reading Argento’s autobiography, but director Simone Scarfidi (FULCI FOR FAKE) keeps things lively, and tries to answer some burning questions, such as why it is that Argento’s post-OPERA filmography is so radically different (and less potent) than what came before; sadly, no real answers are forthcoming.

 

15. TWISTERS

Fans of TWISTER (1996) can rejoice, as this long-in-the-works sequel is every bit as silly and implausible as its predecessor.  In many respects, in fact, TWISTERS outdoes the earlier film, with digitally rendered tornadoes that are much better than those of TWISTER and a Glen Powell played male lead who’s much cooler and more uninhibited than Bill Paxton.  Unfortunately, the Daisy Edgar-Jones played heroine isn’t nearly as memorable; this woman is supposed to be an indomitable tornado chaser yet, unlike the full-figured Helen Hunt, doesn’t look as if she could stand up to a sea breeze, much less a twister.

 

16. THE SUBSTANCE

A pitiless account of body dysmorphia, envy and indulgence, as experienced by a fiftyish actress (played by the sixtyish Demi Moore) desperately trying to subside in a town–Hollywood–that worships youth and beauty.  She turns to cloning technology that hatches a twentyish sexpot (Margaret Qualley) out of her back to take her host’s place for a time, but Qualley stays too long, and so causes irreparable damage to Moore’s appearance.  It all leads to an overwrought climax that tries, and fails, to outdo Carpenter and Cronenberg in gross-out excess.  Still, I’ll give the film credit for its utilization of old school practical effects and what must rank as Demi Moore’s finest-ever performance.

 

17. THE GREATEST NIGHT IN POP

All about what is very likely the most insufferable pop anthem of all time: the charity single “We Are the World,” which is said to have raised around $80 million for Africa (how much money actually reached that destination remains a point of debate).  This Netflix documentary about the tune’s January 28, 1985 creation, involving nearly every major pop singer of the time crammed into a medium-sized recording studio, is fascinating, with extensive video footage capturing the participants’ every action.  There’s even coverage of the event’s less savory aspects, such as the fact that Sheila E.’s presence was intended solely as a lure for her boyfriend Prince (one of the few musical bigshots who didn’t participate).  Those of you who were around in the eighties will enjoy a nostalgic flashback, while those who weren’t will get a good idea of how silly the decade truly was.

 

18. THE PRIMEVALS

Archaic is the word for this film.  Initiated back in 1978, THE PRIMEVALS, the first and only feature directed by the late special effects ace David Allen, took until 2022 to be completed (outlasting Allen himself, who died in 1999).  It won’t make any Greatest Movie listings, hobbled as it is by wooden performances and inert drama, but the film’s old school charm is undeniable.  The story, about a hunt for a Yeti that takes a group of explorers into a mysterious region where aliens hold sway, harkens back to the 1930s, while the stop-motion monster effects are straight out of a Ray Harryhausen movie.  Also harkening back to old-timey cinema is the fact that those effects take until the final twenty minutes to reach their full expression.

 

19. DON’T MOVE

Complaints about the plausibility issues riddling this Sam Raimi produced thriller have been legion, and they’re not off-base.  However, if one is willing to accept the whopper of a premise—about a scumbag (Finn Wittrock) injecting a grief-stricken young woman (Kelsey Asbille) with a serum that results in total paralysis yet doesn’t stop her from surviving river rapids, a burning house and a sinking boat (and without ever smudging her make-up!)—then enjoying this impeccably crafted film should be no problem.

 

20. THE BEEKEEPER

A Jason Statham movie with most everything that portends, meaning THE BEEKEEPER (2024) won’t ever be mistaken for CITIZEN KANE (1941).  It is, however, superior to most other Statham movies, with a diverting script, involving Statham as a beekeeper/government trained enforcer taking on a corrupt call center, written by action movie specialist Kurt Wimmer (EQUILIBRIUM), and efficient direction by Hollywood A-lister David Ayer (FURY).  The themes explored, which include corporate greed and political corruption, suggest that Ayer and Wimmer might have had pretentions to Important Cinema, but the emphasis is on violence and sensation, this being a movie that first and foremost knows its place.

 

21. THE BIKERIDERS

I’m all in favor of a modern updating of the bikesploitation films of the 1960s (THE WILD ANGELS, HELLS ANGELS ON WHEELS, etc.), but not an arty and self-important expose.  THE BIKERIDERS falls between those two poles, offering equal doses of exploitation and pretention in its presentation of the rise and fall of a biker gang in the 1960s, with the focus on Austin Butler as one of the more unhinged members, Jodie Comer as his long-suffering better half and Tom Hardy as the gang’s leader.  The fight scenes are brutal and well-choreographed, and the period detail feels authentic, so the film is not without worth.

 

22. HIT MAN

A passable Richard Linklater film based on the story of Gary Johnson, a Houston-based college professor contracted by police to nab would-be killers by posing as a hitman.  Precisely how accurate this film is I have no idea, but it doesn’t feel too authentic; the details of Johnson’s hiring seem far too easy, and his police colleagues impossibly stupid, as despite closely monitoring his every move they somehow miss the fact that he’s romancing a would-be client (Adria Arjona).  It’s all punctuated with the requisite Linklaterian philosophical soliloquies, which fit the material quite well.

 

23. BRATS

For those who remember the so-called “Brat Pack,” BRATS offers a potent 1980s flashback.  It was made by the sixtyish Andrew McCarthy, one of the pack’s charter members, who documents his chats with other aging BPers like Emilio Estevez, Ally Sheedy, Rob Lowe and Demi Moore, along with third-party commentators like Brett Easton Ellis, Malcolm Gladwell and David Blum (who wrote the essay that gave the pack its name).  Very little of substance is said (the gist: it’s hard being famous), meaning BRATS fits in quite well with the shallow and naive yet enormously self-important films (THE BREAKFAST CLUB, ST. ELMO’S FIRE, etc.) that defined the Brat Pack and (for many of us) the decade overall.

 

24. VANISHED INTO THE NIGHT (Svaniti nella notte)

An Italian Netflix movie that isn’t bad at all.  It’s not exceptional (that, it seems, would be asking too much from a Netflix production), but VANISHED INTO THE NIGHT held my attention.  It’s about a divorced man (Riccardo Scamarcio) whose two young children inexplicably disappear on his watch, forcing him to smuggle cocaine(!) for a scumbag friend—but of course not all is as it seems.  Reasonably well made by director Renato De Maria and reasonably well acted by Scamarcio, and if you want more than “reasonably well” accomplishments you’ll have to look elsewhere.

 

 

Recommended DVD/Blu-Ray Releases:

 

CLOSED CIRCUIT (Circuito chiuso)

One of the more fascinating movie theater set horror films, an Italian-made mystery that morphs into a horror movie.  Kudos to Severin for making the long-neglected CLOSED CIRCUIT available at last.

 

DEMON POND (Yashagaike)

Finally, a Criterion release of Masahiro Shinoda’s must-see horror-fantasy mind roaster that people have for years been asking me how to find.  Here’s the answer.

 

HAPPINESS

Criterion does Todd Solondz’s mean spirited masterwork.  The extra features are quite sparse, but the transfer is the best I’ve seen of this must-have film.

 

INTERROGATION (Przesluchanie)

This gut-wrenching Polish women in prison drama was banned for over half a decade, and unavailable on Blu-Ray for even longer, but thanks to Vinegar Syndrome it’s now readily available.

 

INTREPIDOS PUNKS

A trashier-than-average 1980 CLOCKWORK ORANGE/QUADROPHENIA pastiche that apparently changed Mexican cinema forever, released on Blu-Ray by Vinegar Syndrome together with its even-wilder 1991 sequel LA VENGANZA DE LOS PUNKS.

 

THE KEEP

One of the more legendary VHS-only titles finally made its way to digital home video in 2024.  No, this 1983 Michael Mann fantasy isn’t very good, but plays much better in widescreen digital form than it previously did.

 

LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR

Another film that’s become known for its non-digitized status, a status that was ended in 2024 by Vinegar Syndrome.  I haven’t yet viewed their Blu-ray transfer but am looking forward to doing so, as the film is a 1970s Hollyweird classic.

 

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

A much weirder-than-average seventies porn classic involving onanism, fantasy creatures and a literal trip to Hell.  Thanks to the Vinegar Syndrome offshoot Mélusine for bringing it to Blu-Ray at last.

 

THE TRIAL

Orson Welles’ alternately praised and reviled take on Franz Kafka’s classic gets the Criterion treatment, and I say it’s worth it.

 

VIVA LA MUERTE

Fernando Arrabal’s surreal 1971 shocker gets its Blu-Ray premiere.  Need I say more?

 

 

The Worst:

 

1. THIS ME…NOW

In which the 54-year-old Jennifer Lopez, a.k.a. J.Lo, celebrates herself in a freeform musical extravaganza. The reported $20 million budget was put up entirely by J.Lo, who plays The Artist, a.k.a. herself: a famous actress/singer who’s seen laboring in a futuristic “heart factory” (so named because the place is run by a giant beating heart), destroying a glass building, performing an altogether asinine “Singin’ in the Rain” rendition and crooning songs that shamelessly aggrandize their writer-singer. Director Dave Meyers, a longtime music video specialist, doesn’t exactly distinguish himself; the flashy cutting and elaborate CGI fail to impress, as the only real thematic glue is the ego of the film’s creator, which (inflated though it is) simply ain’t enough.

 

2. THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF MAGICAL NEGROES

Smug, self-important crap about magically endowed black people who devote their powers to pacifying white people.  There are many, many, many things wrong with that concept, starting with the question of who the hell would want to join this society?  Certainly not this film’s protagonist (Justice Smith), a young black man who in the early scenes is outrageously deferential to white people (thus coming off as a wimp) and in the later ones quite confrontational and defiant (thus coming off as an asshole).  Writer-director Kobi Libii also tries to work in a romantic angle in the form of An-Li Bogan as a multi-ethnic cutie who tolerates Smith’s self-absorbed behavior and doesn’t mind that he whisks her to the top of the Empire State Building only to immediately vanish and leave her to make her own way back to her home in LA—a final gag is inserted to explain her submissiveness, but it’s strictly a matter of far too little, way too late.

 

3. UGLIES

A Netflixer that’s so outrageously cheap-looking I wondered if it was a student project, when in fact it was made by Hollywood veteran McG with what I understand was a semi-respectable budget.  25-year-old Joey King stars as a “teenager” rebelling against a dystopia whose leaders decree that everyone must undergo cosmetic surgery at age 16.  King embarks on a LOGAN’S RUN-ish adventure in “The Smoke,” or forbidden lands, where she meets up with fellow rebels and learns the dark truth about her society’s drive for physical perfection.  The cut rate greenscreen visuals are a constant distraction, and there’s not nearly enough underneath the surface to maintain viewer interest.

 

4. MAXXXINE

I was and remain a fan of TI West, but his “X trilogy,” which began with X and PEARL (both 2022), was a bad idea in every respect.  MAXXXINE is the third and thankfully final entry, following the porn star Maxine, one of two roles played by Mia Goth in X (the other of which headlined PEARL).  The setting is 1985, during which this not-very-interesting character heads to Hollywood to find legit film work, and gets entangled with cops, corrupt moviemakers and a serial killer.  I never found any of this believable in the slightest, with a gritty-campy tone that places the proceedings on the level of a throwaway joke (talented though Ti West is, he’s not John Waters), not to mention some horrendously mismatched footage, as in a scene in which Goth runs up the steps of the Universal Studios PSYCHO house, and in the next shot is revealed to be standing in a different location entirely.

 

5. DRIVE-AWAY DOLLS

After viewing this, the premiere solo feature by Ethan Coen, I’m of the mind that Ethan should recommence making movies with his brother Joel.  DRIVE-AWAY DOLLS is an ostensible comedy but it isn’t funny, being more interested in scoring political points in its 1999 set story of a pair of highly stereotypical lesbians, one an absurdly sexed-up party girl (Margaret Qualley) and the other an uptight prude (Geraldine Viswanathan), on a road trip from Philadelphia to Florida.  Along the way Qualley acts out sexually, Viswanathan loosens up and some goofy gangsters intervene, as does a briefcase connected with a conservative politician (Matt Damon) whose contents are so ludicrous they render an already nonsensical film even more so.

 

6. MADAME WEB

For those of you doubting my contention that Hollywood has lost its collective mind, I give you MADAME WEB, Sony’s choice of follow-up to its monster hit SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME.  Madame Web is an antagonist from the SPIDER-MAN comics that nobody outside hardcore Spidey fans knows about, but of course Sony gave her a standalone film.  Played by Dakota Johnson with a highly disinterested air, the character is paired with a de-sexed Sydney Sweeney and given the DEAD ZONE-like power to see into the future, an ability that’s never properly explained or developed.  This is in keeping with a film that plays like a TV movie, and an especially mediocre one.

 

7. STRANGE DARLING

These retro grindhouse pics are really getting old.  This one begins with “The Lady” (Willa Fitzgerald) on the run from “The Demon” (Kyle Gallner), an apparent serial killer–but, as flashbacks make clear, the relationship dynamic between these two isn’t as it initially seems.  This is a well visualized film that was (as the opening credits make sure to point out) “Shot Entirely on 35mm Film,” but outside that aspect there’s not much to STRANGE DARLING, which consists largely of chasing and bloodletting amid two not very interesting (much less likeable) characters.

 

8. GHOSTBUSTERS: FROZEN EMPIRE

Having completely botched the Spider-verse, it makes sense that Sony has now done the same thing to GHOSTBUSTERS.  FROZEN EMPIRE is the second in a new GHOSTBUSTERS franchise starring a family that includes Paul Rudd as a very bland relative of the Harold Ramis character and human Barbie doll Mckenna Grace as Rudd’s nerdy daughter.  They take over the Ghostbusters’ NYC headquarters, just as a new, and very chilly, supernatural threat emerges.  The surviving members of the original crew also turn up in a film that has too many protagonists and offers shockingly little in the way of thrills or laughs.  My suggestion?  Bring back the principals of the 2016 GHOSTBUSTERS, which wasn’t much of a movie but featured some talented ladies, compared to whom Rudd and co. simply aren’t much of an improvement.

 

9. BEVERLY HILLS COP: AXEL F.

A legacy sequel, and a crummy one that returns Eddie Murphy as the endearingly smart-assed Detroit cop Alex Foley, of BEVERLY HILLS COP (1984) and its two sequels, to Beverly Hills.  Axel is of course much older than his previous appearance in BEVERLY HILLS COP III, as are his companions John Ashton and Judge Reinhold, and Beverly Hills itself, which is no longer the teeming upscale hub it once was.  The same holds true of the action-comedy genre in which this film partakes, a genre that was strictly a product of, and worked best in, the 1980s.  That’s a major reason why the 1994 released part III didn’t work, and nor does AXEL F., which feels overwrought, under conceived and, in the characterization of Axel’s newly minted Joseph Gordon Levitt played sidekick, pointless.

 

10. EMILIA PÉREZ

All the orgasming over this film by critics is largely due, I’m guessing, to the subject matter.  Directed by the gifted Jacques Audiard (A PROPHET), it’s a muddled and emotionally remote account of Manitas Del Monte (Karla Sofía Gascón), a Mexican cartel leader who bribes a lawyer (Zoe Saldana) to help him undergo a sex change and become Emilia Pérez; the gambit works, but pits this unlikely pairing against Pérez’s bitchy ex-prostitute wife (a wildly miscast Selena Gomez).  It’s hard to tell if we’re meant to root for Pérez or not, or even precisely what happens, as the storytelling is such a jumble.  Adding to the muddle is a musical wraparound that adds absolutely nothing to the film, not least because the songs are uniformly forgettable.

 

11. THE BEAST (La bête)

Truthfully I’m not entirely sure what France’s Bertrand Bonello was attempting here.  THE BEAST is a sci-fi variant on Henry James’ 1903 novella THE BEAST IN THE JUNGLE, with Léa Seydoux as Gabrielle, a woman living in an ultra-mechanized future who decides to “purify her DNA” by revisiting past incarnations.  The first of those incarnations occurs in 1910 and involves a doomed flirtation between Gabrielle and a mystery man named Louis (George MacKay), while the second has Gabrielle assuming the form of a struggling actress in LA and Louis a homicidal incel.  A potentially interesting set-up, certainly, but Bonello’s shockingly cold and inert treatment, drawn out to an interminable 2½ hours, fails to elicit much in the way of interest or empathy.

 

12. UNFROSTED

Jerry Seinfeld’s directorial debut, and a fitting follow-up to his previous Hollywood dabble BEE MOVIE (2007).  In that film he and some showbiz pals played bees, and in UNFROSTED Seinfeld once again enlists famous friends for a cutesy extended stand-up routine, in this case a farcical account of the creation of the Pop Tart.  Seinfeld plays the Kellog’s development head who figured out how to make and distribute the “Trat-Pop,” which gets its new name due to a televised misreading by Walter Kronkite (Kyle Dunnigan).  It’s all extremely silly and self-satisfied, with Seinfeld cramming in every well-known guest star he can manage; Christian Slater, Jim Gaffigan, Hugh Grant, Patrick Warburton, Amy Schumer, Cedric the Entertainer, Melissa McCarthy, James Marsden, Peter Dinklage, Jon Hamm and Fred Armisen are among the familiar faces that appear, all of them clearly having a much better time than the viewer.

 

13. ROAD HOUSE

A completely unnecessary rehash of the 1989 Patrick Swayze action-fest, although this new version changes so many things it can’t really be called a proper remake.  Jake Gyllenhaal plays an ex-UFC fighter who takes a job as a bouncer in a Florida roadhouse under threat from a criminal scumbag (Billy Magnussen), with Gyllenhaal using his fighting skills to keep Magnussen and his goons at bay.  There’s plenty of gratuitous ass-kicking, all of it well choreographed by director Doug Liman, so the film satisfies on perhaps its most crucial level.  My problem is there’s nothing here that hasn’t already been done before, and lots better.

 

14. THE EMPIRE (L’empire)

A largely inert concoction that sees France’s Bruno Dumont attempting a spoof of STAR WARS.  The setting is a French beachfront town (the same one seen in Dumont’s 2014 L’IL QUINQUIN) where alien factions are waging war in human guise.  The idea of Dumont’s ultra-spare arthouse sensibilities (complete with several gratuitous sex scenes) playing host to a science fiction extravaganza is intriguing, and pulled off with better-than-expected special effects, but it doesn’t come off.  The problem seems to be that Dumont is spoofing material he doesn’t like or understand, as is evident in all the nonsensical blather by the protagonists about goodness and evil, apparently patterned after STAR WARS dialogue.

 

15. HUMANE

In which another David Cronenberg offspring (following Brandon) directs a Cronenbergian feature.  Caitlin Cronenberg proves herself to be a competent filmmaker, but has a hard time navigating a tone that hovers somewhere between 1984 and DR. STRANGELOVE, with HUMANE attempting to function as both a cautionary parable and a spoof of same.  Such polarity has done in many talented filmmakers, and it certainly defeats Caitlin C., who’s turned out a terminally uninvolving film.  HUMANE, for the record, involves Peter Gallagher as a family man living in a future Canada in which government administered euthanasia is used to control population growth.  Gallagher elects to undergo the procedure at a family gathering in which his grown children end up fighting each other, literally to death.

 

16. BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE

A movie that delivers most everything we’ve come to expect from a legacy sequel, bringing back much of the creative team from 1988’s BEETLEJUICE, director Tim Burton first and foremost.  Winona Ryder also returns as the now grown up goth chick Lydia Deetz, as does Catherine O’Hara as her mother and Michael Keaton as the “ghost with the most” Betelgeuse.  New to the franchise is Jenna Ortega as Lydia’s daughter, Willem Dafoe as an afterlife detective with an exposed brain and Burton’s current squeeze Monica Bellucci as Betelgeuse’s deceased wife.  The former film’s cartoony look and tone were replicated with reasonable fidelity, as was the politically incorrect sense of humor, but where BEETLEJUICE was concise and tightly structured this sequel feels bloated and meandering.  Furthermore, Burton’s staging is far more antic than it previously was, and he repeats a mistake he made in BATMAN (1989) by diluting Danny Elfman’s score with lame pop tunes.

 

17. SUBSERVIENCE

Indie sci fi about a family man (Michele Morrone) who purchases an android woman (Megan Fox, pushing 40 and still living up to her last name) to run the house after his better half (Madeline Zima) falls ill.  All is fine at first, but—you guessed it—the situation quickly turns sour as the android acts out, seducing her master and becoming increasingly hostile toward his wife.  A predictable and uninspired film whose particulars have all been done before–see ELECTRIC DREAMS (1984) and EX MACHINA (2014) for proof.

 

18. MARIA

A bore.  Director Pablo Larrain has developed a filmmaking niche by creating elliptical portrayals of famous women, starting with JACKIE (2016) and SPENCER (2021).  MARIA’s subject is Maria Callas, although precisely what Larrain intends to say about her is never made clear.  As played by Angelina Jolie, Callas comes off as a haughty aristocrat who’s never especially relatable or sympathetic.  The film itself is good looking and lovingly crafted, as we’ve come to expect from Larrain, but the raison d’etre evidently got lost.

 

19. FURIOSA: A MAD MAX SAGA

Where does this MAD MAX prequel go wrong?  Let’s see: it’s vastly overlong (2½ hours!), underplotted and over-reliant on CGI, and despite some well-choreographed vehicular mayhem (director George Miller hasn’t lost his talent for breakneck action) it doesn’t really offer anything the previous four MAD MAX films didn’t.  All those things might be forgivable if only FURIOSA’s single most important element, its heroine, weren’t so ill-conceived and miscast.  Sorry, but I never found the waif-like Any Taylor-Joy the slightest bit convincing as an ultra-stoic wasteland warrior; a climactic scene involving Chris Hemsworth as the main antagonist cowering before the supposedly indomitable Furiosa is so unbelievable it verges on surreal.

 

20. UNDER PARIS (Sous la Seine)

The reason for the popularity of this French made Netflix movie isn’t hard to fathom: the Paris Olympics occurred around the time of its premiere and featured swimming competitions held in the Seine, which also occurs in UNDER PARIS.  Its other major subject is sharks, mutated by pollution and nesting in a flooded catacomb beneath Paris.  Inevitably the critters escape their confinement to disrupt a triathlon and incite lots of excess destruction involving unexploded shells littering the river floor.  The narrative is a cliché-fest, the CGI-heavy shock scenes are overdone and there’s no point going into the acting, but there are worse ways to waste 104 minutes.

 

21. HORIZON: AN AMERICAN SAGA—CHAPTER 1

A three hour Kevin Costner period piece that he co-scripted, produced, directed and starred in.  About the founding of a town named Horizon during the Civil War, HORIZON resembles Robert Altman’s McCABE AND MRS. MILLER (1971) in its complete abandonment of traditional storytelling.  As in the former film, large periods of time tend to pass without notice and the point of view shifts chaotically between at least half a dozen protagonists, with the viewer reduced to looking to the background, showing the progression of Horizon’s construction, for orientation.  McCABE, of course, had the benefit of a fascinating and unorthodox cinematic treatment, whereas HORIZON’s direction is quite pedestrian.  The scenery, at least, is pretty, having been lensed in John Ford’s favored Monument Valley locales.

 

22. SPACEMAN

A film that reportedly spent three years in postproduction, despite which director Johan Renck never managed to resolve its major issues.  Adam Sandler plays a lone astronaut on an interstellar mission who finds a cherished companion in the form of a giant talking spider, with whom Sandler carries on all manner of philosophical discussions while periodically flashing back to his Earthbound marriage with Carey Mulligan.  The latter portions are overwrought and cliched, with Sandler coming to the shocking realization that he’s put his career before his marriage (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz).  The most interesting aspect is the Sandler-spider dynamic (whose eventual break-up has real emotional impact), which unfortunately isn’t enough to sustain a feature, meaning SPACEMAN would probably have worked best as a short film.

 

23. CONCLAVE

An Oscar baiter that offers another chance, following THE DA VINCE CODE and SPOTLIGHT, for Hollywood to bash one of its favorite targets: the Catholic Church.  Based on a novel by Robert Harris, CONCLAVE features Ralph Fiennes as a cardinal tasked with selecting a new Pope after the previous one dies.  In the process Fiennes learns that the Vatican is filled with immorality, perversion and racism (this is news?), and that one of the leading candidates for the Pope is harboring a most un-Catholic secret.  A stately and well-made film with top notch performances all around, but I say it’s a bit too staid and theatrical for its own good.  Furthermore, the ultimate dramatic expression of this subject matter already exists in the form of the immortal 1904 novel HADRIAN THE SEVENTH by Frederick Rolfe/Baron Corvo, which could really use a good film adaptation.

 

24. CARRY-ON

One of the better recent Netflix thrillers, although CARRY-ON suffers nonetheless from many of the shortcomings that appear to be endemic to such fare.  Taron Egerton stars as an LAX based TSA agent who becomes embroiled in a dangerous gambit orchestrated by a scumbag (Jason Bateman) looking to smuggle a deadly chemical agent onto a plane.  I found the first half unerringly suspenseful in the way it ensnares its hero in an ingeniously worked out succession of calamities, but after that things go awry, with the film shifting from a keenly wrought psychological thriller to a DIE HARD-esque action fest, and in the process losing any semblance of plausibility.

 

25. HERE

2014’s fourth major passion project (following MEGALOPOLIS, HORIZON and THIS ME…NOW), a Robert Zemeckis indulgence that plunders the filmographies of Michael Snow and Peter Greenaway for an overtly technique-conscious exercise.  The setting is a room seen from a fixed camera POV that stays rigid for most of the film, with transitions conveyed via windows that open up within the frame and transport us to past and future time periods.  Numerous characters turn up, with the most common being Zemeckis’ FORREST GUMP stars Tom Hanks and Robin Wright as a couple stuck living much of their lives in the house owned by Hanks’ parents—or to be exact, their living room.  For much of its runtime HERE is pleasing, if excessively stagey, but loses its footing entirely in a horrendously sentimental finale that’s on loan from THE NOTEBOOK (2004).

 

26. LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL

An indie that’s been getting all sorts of overwrought plaudits (with even Martin Scorsese singing its praises), whereas I found LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL completely ridiculous.  Heavily inspired by GHOSTWATCH (1992) and WNUF HALLOWEEN SPECIAL (2013), the film purports to be a broadcast of a 1970s-era talk show in which spooky stuff runs riot: a medium (Fayssal Bazzi) summons the deceased wife of the show’s host (David Dastmalchian), a young girl (Ingrid Torelli) gets possessed by Satan, a hypnotism session goes horrifically wrong and a mass slaughter occurs.  I’ll give the writer-directors Cameron and Colin Cairnes credit for the gonzo invention that infuses their film, which has a pleasing go-for-broke aesthetic.  The problem is that the Cairnes don’t know when to quit, throwing in a lengthy hallucinatory coda that occurs long after the drama has peaked.

 

27. DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE

There’s some fun to be had in this shameless MCU cash-in, which sees Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool team up with Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine, despite the fact that the latter died in LOGAN (2017).  No matter: Deadpool plumbs the multiverse to find a Wolverine who’s still kicking, leading to a lot of confusing pseudo-metaphysical banter, interspaced with repetitive CGI-addled fight scenes and self-referential gags (with the film’s financier/distributor Disney being a popular target).  We also get cameos by several former Marvel stars, with Wesley Snipes as Blade making the greatest impression.

 

28. ALIEN: ROMULUS

My contention that only the first two entries of the ALIEN franchise were truly worthwhile would appear to be confirmed.  The Fede Alvarez directed ALIEN: ROMULUS isn’t bad, being colorful, engaging, and, in true Alvarez fashion, divertingly gory.  It nonetheless suffers mightily from the same-old-shit syndrome, offering a retread (down to the finale in which the heroine strips down to her undies) of a formula that’s long since been worn into the ground, with the only major differences between this film and its predecessors being the ages of its late teens-early twenties characters, and the fact that Ridley Scott and James Cameron handled the material much better.

 

 

Looking Forward…

 

AVATAR: FIRE AND ASH

Pretty self-explanatory, no?

 

BATTLE OF BAKTAN CROSS

Or: “UNTITLED PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON EVENT FILM,” with Leonardo Di Caprio, Benecio Del Toro, Sean Penn and Alana Haim.  Based, allegedly, on Thomas Pynchon’s VINELAND.

 

BUGONIA

A remake of the South Korean comedy SAVE THE GREEN PLANET! (2003) starring Emma Stone and directed by Yorgos Lanthimos.  A film that might be worthwhile but probably isn’t.

 

CAUGHT STREALING

Darren Aronofsky’s latest, a 1990s set thriller involving an ex-baseball player and the mob.

 

THE DEAD THING

A highly-spoken-of 2024 horror film that’s taken some time to make its way to release (courtesy of Shudder).  Let’s hope the wait has been worth it.

 

DRACULA: A LOVE TALE

A Luc Besson helmed take on Bram Stoker’s immortal novel, which is all I know about DRACULA: A LOVE TALE.

 

EDDINGTON

Ari Aster’s latest, starring Joaquin Phoenix, Austin Butler and Emma Stone, which (according to the imdb) “Revolves around a couple stranded in a small New Mexico town during the pandemic. Initially welcomed, the town takes a sinister turn by nightfall.”

 

FRANKENSTEIN

Arriving, appropriately enough, in a year that also promises DRACULA: A LOVE TALE, this is a Guillermo Del Toro directed take on Mary Shelley’s masterpiece, starring Ralph Ineson, Mia Goth and Oscar Isaac.

 

HIGHEST 2 LOWEST

Spike Lee remakes Akira Kurosawa’s HIGH AND LOW (1963) with Denzel Washington.

 

THE LOST BUS

A dramatization of the 2018 Camp Fire, California’s deadliest conflagration, by director Paul Greengrass—and if anyone is capable of doing this story justice it would be he.

 

THE MONKEY

An adaptation of Stephen King’s story “The Monkey” by LONGLEGS’ prolific Osgood Perkins.

 

THE RUNNING MAN

Another King adaptation, this one an Edgar Wright directed  remake of the 1987 King inspired Arnold Schwarzenegger anti-classic.

 

THE SHROUDS

A new film by Cronenberg—David, that is (not Brandon or Caitlin), who vents his grief over the 2017 death of his wife Carolyn in a story about a businessman who finds a way to communicate with his deceased spouse in her grave.

 

SNOW WHITE

I’ll admit I’m intrigued by this long-in-the-works mega-production that, based on what I know of its history, promises to be the cinematic train wreck of the decade, and may just take down Disney.