To think: I’d long believed SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY was the absolute cheapest Christmas movie in existence. Turns out I was wrong, as SANTA’S CHRISTMAS ELF (NAMED CALVIN) (1971) is even cheaper. Both films were perpetrated by the late WWII hero turned Florida-based trash movie auteur Barry Mahon; few other people are credited, which is entirely understandable.
To think: I’d long believed SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY was the absolute cheapest Christmas movie in existence. Turns out I was wrong…
The only interesting thing about SANTA’S CHRISTMAS ELF (NAMED CALVIN) (why the parenthetical addition? I don’t know!) is that it relates its story in photo roman style, i.e. entirely through stills. LA JETEE (1962) it isn’t, as in this film the technique appears to have been a cost-saving rather than artistic choice.
It’s headlined by cheaply constructed puppets made to resemble those of the classic Rankin-Bass Christmas specials. The positioning of those puppets is clumsy and the lighting even clumsier, with the scenery kept largely indistinct, marred by characters’ heads frequently shown superimposed over the backgrounds (presumably to obscure the lack of detail).
The story, related via narration that’s spoken in rhyming couplets (well, mostly rhyming; “thrilled” and “wheel” don’t truly rhyme, nor do “fun” and “drum”), tells of the title character, an elf employed by one Santa C. An irrepressible screw-up, Calvin gets fired by his slave-driving foreman, leading Santa to lament that “He would be a good boy if he’d just learn to pay attention.”
Calvin decides, stupidly, to pretend to be Santa on Christmas Eve, and in so doing accidentally launches Santa’s sleigh into the air. It’s here that the film’s cheapness becomes especially evident, as Calvin’s trip across the sky is depicted via the reindeer-driven sleigh silhouetted over a starry backdrop, with a glimpse of the ground below, or even a full shot of Calvin piloting the thing, nowhere to be found.
The story, related via narration that’s spoken in rhyming couplets (well, mostly rhyming; “thrilled” and “wheel” don’t truly rhyme, nor do “fun” and “drum”)…
Calvin manages to make his way back to the North Pole by following the North Star. He hides in Santa’s toy bag and gets placed under a Christmas tree in the home of Kim, a real girl for whom Calvin pretends to be a sentient doll. At this point things slow down appreciably, with much screen time devoted to Kim’s friends making fun of Calvin and, in what here passes for a Spectacular Set-Piece, forcing him to take a ride on a toy airplane.
Santa, though, is on a quest to save Calvin, by masquerading as a normal person and loitering around parks and street corners. He arouses suspicion but succeeds in rescuing Calvin, who back at the North Pole concludes that “Being a good worker is easy and lots of fun! See what I’ve done by paying attention? And by the way: a merry Christmas to everyone!”
Such nonsense seems like it would be difficult to sustain for over an hour, and this film’s interminable 70 minute runtime proves that, with the proceedings losing momentum after about ten minutes. There’s not much fun, even of the bad movie variety, to be had in this slog, outside images of an open-mouthed Calvin as his high-pitched voice fills the soundtrack, which directly foreshadow MR. BILL (yes, there’s even an “Oh no!” to be heard).
Vital Statistics
SANTA’S CHRISTMAS ELF (NAMED CALVIN)
Centron Corporation
Director: Barry Mahon
Producers: Jeffrey C. Hogue, Barry Mahon
Screenplay: Billie Jean Oxendine
Editing: Steve Cuiffo
Cast: Dorothy Brown Green (narrator)