The worst movie ever made? That’s according to the 1980 book THE GOLDEN TURKEY AWARDS by Michael and Harry Medved, and the designation (much like the Greatest Movie Ever Made honor bestowed upon CITIZEN KANE) has stuck to Edward D. Wood Jr.’s PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE (1957).
Truthfully I can think of worse movies (including the 1934 MANIAC, the Wood-scripted ORGY OF THE DEAD and BLACK DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL), yet PLAN 9’s place of “honor” in the movie pantheon persists.
The film’s production, which truth be told wasn’t all that exciting, was immortalized in Rudolph Grey’s 1992 book NIGHTMARE OF ECSTASY and Tim Burton’s Disney production ED WOOD (1994). Financed by Baptist Ministers, PLAN 9 is certainly the only film to feature the Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson, the TV horror hostess Vampira, the fake psychic Criswell and a Beverly Hills chiropractor pretending to be Bela Lugosi.
The film opens with a mock episode of the (fake) CRISWELL PREDICTS TV show, in which Criswell solemnly addresses the audience and intones the film’s original title: GRAVE ROBBERS FROM OUTER SPACE. From there on Criswell’s highly effeminate voice provides the gloriously overripe narration.
This may not be Ed Wood’s “worst” film, but it is one of his most representative, with outrageous narration that all-but screams Ed Woodian. Example: “The other beautiful flowers she had planted with her own hands became nothing more than the lost roses of her cheeks,” intoned over footage of an aging Bela Lugosi—identified by the narration as, simply, “the Dead Old Man”—sniffing flowers outside a house. Seconds later he’s killed in a car accident (conveyed by off-screen tire screeching).
At the Dead Old Man’s funeral, held amid cardboard crypts and headstones, his undead wife, in the form of a very stiff Vampira, turns up. She’s followed, after several flying saucers buzz the area, by Tor Johnson and Tom Mason, the aforementioned Bela Lugosi imitator (the deceased Lugosi being unavailable).
Flying saucers turn up in the skies throughout America, leading to the deployment of the military to fire guns at them (via a lot of WWII stock footage). This sends the saucers back into orbit, where we meet their inhabitants, led by a glittery shirt wearing guy named Eros and his gal-pal Tanna. They discuss an elaborate project they’ve been working on: Plan 9, which involves the resurrection of the dead, with Vampira, Tor and the Dead Old Man being the first examples. They’re quite dangerous, even to Eros and Tanna, who the undead Tor attacks after being brought onto their saucer.
Tor Johnson
According to a recording made by the aliens, obtained by a military general, their goal is to wipe out humanity in order to prevent us from doing further damage to the universe. The Dead Old Man, meanwhile, gets shot and turns into a skeleton (“He didn’t look like that a minute ago!,” the shooter observes), while Tor makes his way out of the cardboard cemetery to attack a woman in her car.
Eventually several high-ranking humans are let into the saucer, where Eros reveals that “All you of Earth are idiots!” He predicts the development of the “Solarbonite,” a device capable of exploding the particles of sunlight—and, hence, the universe. But the humans manage to fight him off and exit the saucer, which flies off and blows up.
As with all truly bad movies, this film’s charm derives from its earnestness (unlike supposed-to-be-funny “bad movie classics” like THE SHIP OF MONSTERS, MONSTER AT CAMP SUNSHINE and SHARKNADO). Wood, believe it or not, was attempting a serious genre-tinged anti-war statement a la IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE and THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL, and PLAN 9 can be (and is) used as an object lesson in what constitutes a truly bad movie. A complete lack of judgement is a requisite, as is a willingness to cut any and all corners, both of which were central to Ed Wood’s approach.
Plan 9 from Outer Space
An added element was Wood’s absurd reverence for the once-famous media figures who populated his cast. None are particularly noteworthy, with Vampira refusing to say the lines written for her (resulting in her character being mute) and the film’s major star Lugosi having died before production could get underway.
So PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, in summation, is a great deal of dumb fun. But those in search of the true worst movie ever made are advised to keep looking.
Vital Statistics
PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE
Distributors Corporation of America/Reynolds Pictures
Director/Producer/Screenplay/Editing: Edward D. Wood, Jr.
Cinematography: William C. Thompson
Cast: Tor Johnson, “Vampira” (Maila Nurmi), Tom Keene, Gregory Walcott, Dudley Manlove, Mona McKinnon, Duke Moore, Joanne Lee, Carl Anthony, Norma McCartry, David de Mering, Bill Ash, Conrad Brooks, Gloria Dea, Ben Frommer, Paul Marco, Bela Lugosi, John Breckinridge, Lyle Talbot, Tom Mason, “Criswell” (Jeron Criswell King)