Here’s something I’m sure we’ve all been waiting for: a DRACULA porno! Actually DRACULA SUCKS is the soft-core version of this 1979 film (the hard-core cut is entitled DRACULA’S BRIDE), a relic from the days when porno flicks had things like stories and characters, were shot on film rather than video and actually played in legitimate venues.
Here’s something I’m sure we’ve all been waiting for: a DRACULA porno!
The mere fact that a soft-core version of this film played in mainstream movie theaters attests to its quality. No, it’s not particularly good, but, as with other 70’s porn epics like FLESH GORDON and ALICE IN WONDERLAND (both of which were released in cut-down R-rated versions), it shows that porn once had the potential to compete with Hollywood. DRACULA SUCKS was released at the tail end of what might be called the porno renaissance; sadly, that renaissance ended almost overnight, and is now gone for good.
Porno legend Jamie Gillis plays a bearded Dracula, while other “adult film” stars are on hand, like Annette Haven (as Mina), Serena (Lucy) and John Holmes (playing a character named “John Stoker”). Also worthy—but for the wrong reasons—is the sidesplitting disco theme song.
If you’re at all familiar with DRACULA—the Bram Stoker novel or the countless movie adaptations—than you know this film’s underlying story. The vampiric Count Dracula travels from Transylvania for a real estate purchase and becomes smitten with the beautiful Mina, whose fiancée Jonathan Harker has already stayed with and been vampirized by the Count. Opposing him is the fearless vampire killer Dr. Van Helsing, while the psychotic Renfield is on Dracula’s side and calls him “Master.”
Needless to say, DRACULA SUCKS changes around quite a few of the story’s elements. For starters, it’s all been compressed Roger Corman style into a single location: an old dark castle somewhere in Northern California. The place, it seems, is a sanitarium housing, among others, the nutty Renfield. Dracula bites his female victims on their breasts, and a male victim gets a bite on his penis (and at one point even goes down on the Count!). Everyone in this place is horny and in search of a fuckmate (add in a giant worm and you’d have Ken Russell’s cult classic LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM, which was incidentally also based on a novel by Stoker). It ends with the Count deflowering the virginal Mina in the castle’s basement, interrupted by Van Helsing, who opens and outer door and floods the area with daylight.
Director Philip Mashak (whose son Darryl produced and co-write the film) isn’t particularly adept at coherent storytelling, and the sex scenes (what survives of them in this version) aren’t much. The lighting and editing, on the other hand, are slick and professional, the pacing is sprightly and the actors aren’t half bad, considering their collective pedigree. The film also has a wealth of gore and is, surprisingly, quite atmospheric. It’s not particularly scary, though.
Vital Statistics
DRACULA SUCKS
MR Productions, Ltd.
Director: Philip Marshak
Producer: Darryl A. Marshak
Screenplay: David J. Kern, Darryl A. Marshak
Cinematography: Hanania Baer
Editor: Netie Pena
Cast: Jamie Gillis, Annette Haven, John Holmes, Serena, John Leslie, Reggie Nalder, Kay Parker, Mike Ranger, Patricia Manning, Seka