By PATRICK KILL (Darkside Digital; 2008)
This story reportedly pissed off a lot of people when it was first published in an anthology. Even the author, in a newly written afterward, acknowledges readers may want “to kick his ass for writing this story.” Naturally I just had to read it, and this standalone e-text, courtesy of Darkside Digital, gave me a prime opportunity to finally do so.
As advertised, it’s a gross and grossly funny account that’s much like an Edward Lee potboiler in its all-consuming, resolutely un-PC eagerness to offend—although that comparison is giving author Patrick Kill (actually Delirium Books’ editor-in-chief Shane Ryan Staley) far too much credit. Still, I laughed several times while reading this thing, and can’t say I didn’t enjoy the experience. If nothing else, at just 32 pages it’s blissfully short.
The setting is a rich peoples’ retreat bordering the eponymous Swan Lake. There wealthy old women eagerly immerse themselves in the lake’s waters, which apparently contain unique rejuvenating powers. It’s here that the young punk protagonist finds himself situated with his horndog pal Smiley—who’s used his sexual prowess to gain entrance for them—and retarded cousin Ramona.
The opening sequence has Smiley raping Ramona and finishing in her face, which she enjoys immensely (“Oh great” the protag scolds his pal, “You changed her from a drooling retard to a sex-crazed, foul-mouthed whore. Nice!”). Ramona’s mother turns up shortly afterward, and luckily for Smiley she mistakes the spunk on Ramona’s face for snot. This adequately sets the tone for what follows.
Revealing too much of the remainder of the narrative would be unfair, although you can rest assured that more perversion is in store, as well as some outrageous gore. Along the way the true effects of the lake’s waters are revealed while Ramona weathers more vaginal abuse (I’ll reveal that said abuse involves a fish) and we learn useful info like “Women don’t like to lick their own shit off your dick. Well, most women, that is.”