HOT DOG…THE MOVIE and HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE are two not-very-distinguished products of the “raunch-com” cycle of ANIMAL HOUSE and PORKY’S inspired sex comedies. Such flicks, which include “classics” like ZAPPED!, SCREWBALLS, HARDBODIES and SPRING BREAK, proliferated in the eighties, and about the best I can say for the two under discussion is that they’re not the worst examples (a designation that would go to THE PARTY ANIMAL, or maybe SCHOOL SPIRIT). Beyond that their sole interest is in the fact that, simply, neither HOT DOG…THE MOVIE nor HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE would have a hope of being made these days. This is to say that these movies are decidedly politically incorrect by modern standards, containing instances of cultural stereotyping, fat shaming, slut shaming and depictions of male-female relations that probably won’t please the Me Too crowd.
The major linkage between the two films is Edward S. Feldman, a prolific and resourceful producer who never had any problem juxtaposing such fare with prestige films like WITNESS and THE TRUMAN SHOW. Feldman acknowledges this dichotomy in his 2005 memoir TELL ME HOW YOU LOVE THE PICTURE, admitting “HOT DOG…THE MOVIE wasn’t great art, but it found an audience and made a ton of money” (HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE goes unmentioned in the book).
In fact, Feldman apparently felt so strongly about 1984’s HOT DOG…THE MOVIE that he mortgaged his Beverly Hills house to finance it. It’s a ski-themed goof set in Squaw Valley, CA, where a young man (Patrick Houser) travels to compete in a skiing championship. In this movie that naturally involves a wet T-shirt contest and lots of soft-core sex scenes involving Houser, who picks up a hot chick (Tracy Smith) who serves as a girlfriend, and also has a fling with a local hottie (Playboy playmate Shannon Tweed). This pisses off Ms. Smith, but that plot strand, like most everything else in this movie, is brushed aside in favor of the copious ski footage.
That latter element is as important to the film as—if not more so than—the sex and nudity. It was the reason director Peter Markle was fired after shooting was completed; he apparently didn’t include enough skiing, inspiring Feldman and screenwriter Mike Marvin to complete the editing themselves. That probably explains why the whole thing is so choppy and incoherent.
The one authentically good element is the climactic “Chinese Downhill” competition, featuring impressively choreographed ski action and a rousing synthesizer score. It’s topped off with a fun end credits tune featuring the quintessentially eighties lyric “‘Cause love starts at the top of the hill…”
Yet as enjoyable as the climax is it’s still somewhat hard to follow the action, with all the characters’ faces covered (because, reportedly, none of the actors could ski) and perfunctory filming that makes it difficult to make out precisely who wins. That, of course, is in keeping with the cast of blond white folks who are difficult to tell apart even without the face masks, with the only visually striking cast members being the dark haired David Naughton (who’s first-billed even though he has a very little to do) and James Saito (on hand for the requisite goofy Asian guy gags).
Bizarrely, HOT DOG…THE MOVIE was a hit, something that appears to have surprised even Feldman. As he writes in his memoir about attending the premiere in Westwood, CA: “I’m sitting there and the audience is howling…What are they laughing at? What’s funny?” The film ended up grossing $20 million (which would be equivalent to about $50 million in today’s dollars) on a $4.5 million budget, and inspired a mini-cycle of ski-themed comedies (SNOWBALLING, SKI SCHOOL, SKI PATROL, OUT COLD, etc.).
HOT DOG also inspired a sequel of sorts in the form of 1986’s HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE, once again produced by Feldman and 
directed by HOT DOG’S screenwriter Mike Marvin. HAMBURGER, unsurprisingly, was not a hit, and appears to be a credit its makers are all quite eager to erase from their resumes. It partakes of the “institutional” trope popularized by POLICE ACADEMY, the institution in this case being a hamburger university where the film’s young “hero” (Leigh McCloskey), who laments that “My parents really want me to have a college education to make something of myself but all I do at school is have sex,” is sent.
This place is run by a fascistic dean (Dick Butkus) who makes life Hell for his recruits, who include a nerd, a nun, a compulsive eater and the requisite hot chick love interest (Debra Blee, who people assure me is a “really good actress”—something that’s definitely not in evidence here!). This movie’s brand of “humor” is probably best exemplified by a scene in which one of the protagonists gives the Dean’s babe wife (Randi Brooks) oral in a fancy restaurant, and pauses to observe that “I love eating out!” I’ll confess I laughed during an especially moronic bit in which a busload of fatsoes (whose ranks include Betsy Lynn and Carol Gwynn Thompson, of MIDNIGHT MADNESS infamy) have a mass eat-a-thon in a burger franchise, accompanied by oinking and squealing noises on the soundtrack, and are cleared out only after they’re served laxative-laced shakes.
Unlike HOT DOG…THE MOVIE, HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE lacks an exciting finish. Clearly Feldman and director Mike Marvin (HOT DOG’S writer) were far less inspired (Feldman evidently did not mortgage his house this time around), which is evident in the lackluster finished product. I’m amazed it got a theatrical release at all, as even by bad eighties movie standards HAMBURGER: THE MOTION PICTURE is pretty inexcusable.
The pic, in any event, ended the Edward S. Feldman food-inspired movie cycle (notwithstanding unrelated flicks like SANDWICH, FISH N’ CHIPS and CHINESE TAKE-OUT), although it seems a related offering may be on the horizon. Given Hollywood’s mania for remaking–sorry, rebooting—eighties hits, it’s no surprise that a new version of HOT DOG…THE MOVIE is currently in the works, to be directed by Mike Marvin. I’m generally quite skeptical about movie remakes, and even more so in this case–which is to say that regarding the upcoming SPLASH, OVERBOARD and HALLOWEEN retreads I have very little hope, while for the new HOT DOG…THE MOVIE I have none whatsoever.