I’m sorry to keep beating this particular dead horse, as I promised in the last of my three articles about Hallmark Channel movies that I wouldn’t write about ‘em any more, but I’ve got a bit more to say. Those of you who’ve read those previous articles will know they consisted largely of me belittling and making fun of the holiday movies put out by the Hallmark Channel. Now, with a new batch of Hallmark Christmas movies upon us (a record 40 of which are being unveiled in 2019), my criticisms haven’t changed. In fact, having been force-fed another year’s worth of Hallmark fare by my significant other, I have some new complaints (such as how much the women in these movies all smile incessantly, to the point that my face hurts watching them). Yet interestingly enough, my overall attitude has shifted a bit, from outright condemnation to something approaching—dare I say it?—admiration.
Hallmark Cha
nnel movies have come a long way since their inception in the 00s. For many years these movies were outliers in the media landscape, relative anomalies known for their formulaic feel-good narratives, casts of has-beens and never-was-es and the fact that they tended to be clustered around the holidays, Christmas in particular (because, in the words of one online commentator, they “tend to involve plots that are so predictable and so sappy they wouldn’t work at any other time of the year”).
Now, of course, Hallmark’s movie division is a juggernaut, capturing a large share of the cable TV audience, gracing the cover of TV Guide (specifically this year’s December 9-22 issue), inspiring a widely publicized “Christmas Con” (the first of which recently occurred in New Jersey) and impacting Hollywood’s bottom line (in the unimpressive showing of the big screen rom-com LAST CHRISTMAS at the domestic box office, which people appear to have stayed away from because, in the words of one Hallmark-addicted colleague, “why pay to see that movie when I can get the same thing for free on the Hallmark channel?”).
There is, however, one sure sign that the Hallmark movie formula has truly arrived: the fact that’s it’s now being widely imitated. You may have noticed the Christmas themed rom-coms popping up on both cable and network TV lately, with the woman-centric Lifetime network being the most prolific purveyor of such (they’ve even come up with a catchy “It’s a wonderful Lifetime” slogan to grace their movie lineup), in addition to otherwise respectable outfits like Netflix (which proudly unveiled A KNIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS and A CHRISTMAS PRINCE: THE ROYAL BABY alongside THE IRISHMAN and MARRIAGE STORY) and France’s Gaumont (which previously gave us THE PASSION OF JOAN OF ARC and FANNY AND ALEXANDER—a long way from 2019’s Gaumont releases MY BEST FRIEND’S CHRISTMAS and CHRISTMAS A LA MODE). Everyone, it seems, wants a piece of the Hallmark action, and no wonder: aside from its ratings success, Hallmark has succeeded in capturing the female audience that mainstream Hollywood has been chasing after (unsuccessfully for the most part) for the past couple years.
These imitation Hallmark teleplays contain all the ingredients we’ve come to expect: lovesick professional women, hunky yet sensitive dudes, haphazard narratives that exist mostly as strands on which to hang the clichés and, more often than not, a cute dog and a baking contest thrown in. Even the titles are quintessentially Hallmark-like: A SWEET CHRISTMAS, TWINKLE ALL THE WAY, A CHRISTMAS RECIPE FOR ROMANCE, BAKING CHRISTMAS, etc.
But what these wannabes ultimately prove is just how durable the Hallmark formula truly is. Consider: the faux Hallmark movies tend to plunder the Hollywood B-list for their lead actresses (who include Vanessa Hudgens, Anna Kendrick and Lea Michele), whereas Hallmark made its own stars out of performers (including Candace Cameron Bure, Danica McKellar and Hallmark’s major “name” actress Lacey Chabert) who prior to being snapped up by the network wouldn’t have made any list.
Let’s take a look at GROUNDED FOR CHRISTMAS, broadcast on December 8, 2019 on Lifetime: it contains a Hallmark-esque narrative involving a young woman airline pilot (Juliana Guill) thrown together with a good looking fellow flyer (Corey Sevier) after getting stuck in a “blizzard” (depicted via a few pounds of fake snow blown around) in “Cleveland” (actually British Columbia), where G-rated romance inevitably blossoms. The insistently upbeat aura that colors even the most fraught scenes, manifested via bright lighting and a score that constantly telegraphs sweetness and light. Those of course are all elements present in most Hallmark movies, but they’re pushed to truly hellacious extremes here; Hallmark movies are pretty insufferable on their own, and so don’t need enhancement of the type offered by GROUNDED FOR CHRISTMAS.
With holiday themed rom-coms, as with most anything else, there’s nothing like the real thing, and that real thing is found on the Hallmark channel—and will continue to until audiences get tired of it, which doesn’t appear to be happening any time soon.