Black Devil Doll by Stephen RomanoBy STEPHEN ROMANO (Lowest Common Denominator Entertainment; 2009)

Somebody wrote a novelization of BLACK DEVIL DOLL??? That fact alone is startling, but even more so is that said novelization was written by Stephen Romano, the respected author of SHOCK FESTIVAL and SAFE IN THE WOODS.

The film BLACK DEVIL DOLL is an unforgettable blaxploitation-comedy-gorefest made by the nutty guys from Rotten Cotton. It’s the depraved story of a puppet possessed by the soul of Mubia Abul-Jama, a militant black serial killer, and the unspeakable ass-eating and bloodletting odyssey that ensues. Stephen Romano has been associated with Rotten Cotton from back when it was Blackest Heart media, for whom he scripted the graphic novel adaptation of THE BEYOND. He also designed the promotional art for BLACK DEVIL DOLL, so I guess it’s not such a stretch that he took on the task of writing the film’s novelization.

Any worries that Romano might tone down the filthiness of the movie are unfounded, as he transposes its every outrage intact. While there’s no substitute for actually seeing the black devil doll jizzing on a window and spraying diarrhea on a door–meaning this novel should NOT be read in place of watching the flick–Romano is a skilled wordsmith who’s unafraid to get down and dirty.

The book is told from the point of the view of Professor Julian Krantz, a stuffy intellectual who becomes a disciple of Mubia after the latter kidnaps and rapes him. The professor’s haughty academic tone is well rendered by Romano, and sustained throughout the book’s 156 outrageous pages.

Among Krantz/Romano’s observations: that most American women under the age of 35 are “extraordinarily dumb for their age,” including the heroine Heather, who inadvertently calls Mubia’s soul up from Hell and becomes his lover; that the black devil doll has a twenty seven inch cock; that Heather’s bimbo gal pals run over a kid on their way to her house; that Heather’s loser ex boyfriend White-T kills and buries his grandmother before meeting his destiny at the hands (and dick) of the Black Devil Doll; that (in describing a murdered gal whose face Mubia decorates with his DNA) “there was no man on Earth or in The Beyond who could dispute that she looked a hell of a lot better wearing the essence of the Black Devil Doll”; and that a climactic shoot-out is best portrayed by the word “BLAM!” repeated over and over…for a full eighteen pages!

No, this book will never change the world, or displace SHOCK FESTIVAL as Stephen Romano’s crowning achievement, but it does its job, being fast, nasty, silly, and, most importantly, fun.